“Drink deeply. Live in Serenity and Joy.” Buddha

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Geez, I have yet to learn the moderation mode. It is difficult to explain, but I often fear what I cannot do tomorrow. With school starting Monday, I just know I will be down for the count in chemo land the rest of the week based on what happened this week.  There is so much unknown and so much out of our control when walking this tightrope. If I can foresee or control any small need for Alex, I tend to push myself overboard. Thanks to many of you who continue to help and support our family whether it be with prayer, positive thoughts, lists of schools supplies, or suggestions for a successful school year. Every bit helps.I went into overdrive on Friday which was the first day I could drive. Proudly wearing teal from head to toe, I scanned the area for other teal sisters or supporters. I didn’t see any, but that isn’t important. Thanks to my teal supporters especially my niece Sofia who looked cuter than cute in teal. I did run around too much and paid for it the next day.

This new (old drugs, new combo) treatment has me feeling horrible. I can’t explain the drugged hungover feeling. It just makes you feel gross and silently you hope the mixture is working. I tried to look up the side effects when I was on the drugs at different times, but my notes are full of chemo land jargon which is like another language! It is so confusing since I think I have now had over 14 different treatments. I do have my notes, but some are confusing. It is as if I had a pen in my hand and fell asleep. Then, I woke up and started the notes again. I wish I could keep it all straight and that is why I have my real brain with Jim. He keeps track of most things that I lost track of…somehow I still remember all the silly things. Unfortunately, I am back to missing words or using the wrong word for the wrong or right things. Somehow I have lost my words, but I do have all the feelings. I still have the surge of frustration with the situation. I try not to get caught up in it or start worry about the reality of the situation. I focus on today. I take some deep breaths and feel the ocean breeze. I look at my little Buddha and think happy thoughts. Today I will find my sunshine as I do every day. One day at a time.

One Response to ““Drink deeply. Live in Serenity and Joy.” Buddha”

  1. terry fierle Says:

    One day at a time for sure. I am learning so much from u. Thank u for sharing your strength and hope. I hope u know how much it means to us.

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