Reality of the slow road recovery from Pneumonia!

WARNING: THIS BLOG HAS BEEN WRITTEN WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF MANY DAYS OF STEROIDS!

 

So, besides being in the house for officially 4 weeks, I am now on some major steps backwards. I went to see the pulmonary doc and had to skip chemo (not related). I started experiencing some increasing issues with breathing and more coughing. I started increasing my inhaler until I saw the doc on Tuesday. Of course, what do I know about pneumonia besides it kills people? “Do I want to get better”, he asked me. Guess he wasn’t diggin my 20 questions, but that was fine I had my mom taking notes and Jim asking another dozen. He was one of those docs that has a bunch of patients who don’t listen to him over the age of 80 who are too stubborn to do what they should. He also was strangely enough a pulmonary doc coughing an asthmatic cough while talking. I was glad to be wearing a mask. I was wondering if he was a good listener too in being a patient as he continued to cough. There was a question of whether this was like the dermatologist I once saw with a giant wart on his face…hmmmm. My fear disappeared after he spent over an hour with me and did a thorough exam (this was after waiting over an hour for him). He informed me that I needed to up the breathing treatments to 4 times and day, increase the inhaler, and start steroids. I will go back in 3 weeks and have a ct scan. Of course, yes, I must wear a mask to avoid germs, but I am no longer contagious. The lung long lasting effects of pneumonia include this type of ongoing issues for 3 weeks more. Okay, I am admitting that I remember everyone saying in the hospital that it takes 4-6 weeks to recover and being a cancer patient, it can take 8-12. I am shooting for 8. He seemed to know his stuff, but guess what my rock star hubby knew more about the mechanism of steroids. Points for the rock star hubby and guys, remember docs do not know everything. To have success in any medical illness, you must control your own care. I have learned this time and time again. Without all the research Jim does to start the conversation, I would not even be here and it always allows us to have the right conversations with all docs (we have to remember that docs have other patients, lots of them). In order for you to get their attention, maximize their time, and go to the top of the list, you must know what you are talking about. You must know your own body, understand the drugs you are taking, know about future treatments, and continue to ask questions and communicate via email,text, phone calls…whatever it takes to get better. Granted it does help to bring some fancy VIP cupcakes every once and a while. This method to my madness in surviving with cancer came into play on Wednesday.

With low blood counts as a cancer patient, I have come to understand that your body gets used to operating at a new low level. For example, your hemoglobin (oxygen in your blood) can be low at 12, but my norm is 10. For some that would cause a problem being out of breath. For me, it doesn’t seem to effect me (or didn’t prior to the pneumonia). I have come to accept the pale color to my skin tone (which can be cured with some good makeup) as long as it is not cancer gray. That shade is often worn with hunched shoulders, droopy face, and all look of hope withdrawn. I have had my moments, but prefer makeup. This is all caused by anemia brought on my various 14 chemo treatments. Now, with the white cells, that is tricky and you can walk around like a ticking time bomb (guess I was like that when I picked up pneumonia) and you don’t know a thing until you get your blood tested. The crisis begins when your neutrophils are 1.2 and guess what?  mine were 1.21. I swear my body loves to mess with doctors.This means the fuse has been lit and any potential sneeze, cough, spit, germ could cause a cancer patient pneumonia or other varieties of diseases. My chemo cocktail eats the blood along with cancer cells. Some are not so lethal. Lastly, the platelets which are the parts that help with clotting. I knew from last week that my platelets were already below 100 (limit for getting chemo at Hoag) but UCLA is all about cancer first then fix body after. I went from one week having glorious normal amount of platelets that I haven’t seen since before I started chemo back in 2010 of 259! Then, in one week of chemo, my platelets were 79! I knew they could be low, but how low was the question. My platelets were now a dangerous 46. This was where the crazy started! Let the games begin of negotiation between local doc and my UCLA Westwood doc. Jim and I already knew the plan. The delicate balance of living with cancer is to not kill your bone marrow or your bodies ability to make it’s own immune system. the back and forth went on for way too long. We already knew no chemo for me since the pneumonia was another thing to consider in this balance not to be killed by chemo or pneumonia or cancer! It was decided that I would go back on Monday and if my body did not kick into gear then I would have to have a transfusion. The real problem comes back to my lock down once again and warning not to do any cutting, bumping, scissor use, or anything that could cause any bleeding. (like flossing) Too much to consider, but with threats of reality of what I could face if I don’t obey, I decide to comply in hopes of freedom of future real weeks off from chemo because cancer is going, going, gone. Now, some think reading a PEOPLE magazine can be dangerous to your mind, but who knew that one turn of a page could cause a potential bleed out from a paper cut. I used a box of gauze, roll of paper tape, and even went into my reserve of cute band aids. Sorry to Alex that all camouflage band aids and other neon band aids are now gone. Hey, the bleeding stopped.
All this blood learning has brought me to the next lesson learned which will not be a lesson until I know on Monday if it works. Bone broth! I never liked to eat osso bucco (sp?) and not a fan of sucking on bones, but it does make sense. So, off Jim went to buy an organic chicken and off I went to find a real chef recipe which is really about making stock. Apparently, people swear by this, but eating the bones will boost your own body’s immunity. Is that why my grandma always sucked on bones because her mom did? Maybe, the purpose was to get all the meat off, but they say chicken soup is medicine? It is a whole process with the right balance of vinegar to dissolve the bones and a process that removes the meat for later, puts the fat back in, and is an hour by hour project. Hey, at least it passed the time on lock down. So, I did drink the broth and honestly it was gross looking cold with the gel from the bones, but once heated looked and tasted like regular chicken broth. Stay tuned.
With all this lock down, I have noticed Alex becoming increasing frustrated and angry. I kept thinking that it was the hormones. When I asked him at 1am after another night of him waking up with bad thoughts, he did talk to me about all that was bothering him. I am up, up, up, because of all the steroids. (when coming back from weds attempt at chemo, I told Jim that I really wanted to wash the floor. He looked at me and calmly said, “it is the steroids talking. Go sit down and have some water.” yech steroids! Steroids cause your brain to work at 1000 times a minute, but every second you are distracted and start thinking about 1000 other things. The path of post its that you write on only cause a trail of confusion with words that are supposed to trigger something, but mean nothing. The pile of post it rises.) Well, Alex explained to me that I haven’t been able to do anything for too long and this was like I was when I had surgery, so are things getting worse? Nope, I just needed to reassure him, but it didn’t mean he liked my answer of 3 weeks more on lockdown. We talked about him making a list of all the things we should do in the summer. I have always been a big fan of lists. He knew just the idea which he mentioned that he got from his friend.  He was going to start a summer blog.This way we could stay on track because we were “way behind”. He also has been concerned about his trumpet playing as he really enjoys playing. With a class of 60 and his trumpet section not being fans of listening, he had to talk to his teacher throughout the year to ask for help. Lucky, a friend came to the rescue as friends often do and Alex will do a short trumpet camp at La Paz intermediate school in mission Viejo. So, we solved some problems temporarily. Having a parent with cancer is not an easy road for a soon to be 7th grader. I ask you check out Alex’s blog, leave a comment, or vote for your favorite summer activity on his poll.  He was thrilled to know that his blog travels with kids (or whatever he called it) from last summer had over 200 hits with readers from Germany, Greece, and the US.
CHECK OUT ALEX’s SUMMER BLOG-leave comments, vote….
http://thetreezsummerblog.blogspot.com/
My last steroid influenced  topic is a personal one and just because I am visiting this topic does not mean I plan on giving up my fight to win. It has been during my weeks of lockdown that I have met, heard about, and read about warriors who choose to “die with dignity”. Now, I have to say I cannot personally call anyone a warrior who refuses chemo just because of the hair loss and fear of side effects especially if a doc feels that chemo could either keep the disease stable, kill most of the cancer, or even buy time until another drug. It is ONLY hair. I have still chosen to wear a hat instead of the wig. Yes, it is odd that’s only have 3 eyelashes on one lower eye lid, but who is counting? Should I try to rub off the others on the other eye for balance. I am connecting the dots for my eyebrows, but it is now a game. Cancer is frightening and for most there is no cure. Yes, drugs have horrible side effects. So, I have issue with those who are giving up and have options especially since some of us have to fight every second of the day to survive. There are some who don’t have options and I fully understand and respect the right to die with dignity. My docs (all except one I met) have told me there are still options. None of them have told me to pack my bags. So, if there are options, why not give them a try. If there are options, respect your body enough to allow the drugs to work. From my very first nurse who is very near and dear to my heart, she told me you must allow your body to heal with rest, love of yourself, surround yourself with positive people, family, and don’t run around like a crazy person…find the balance. It is a balance walking that tightrope to fight to live every day. I can try to respect those who decide it is too much. Who am I to decide what is too much for some and not others? I think you all know me now that I can respect the decision of others to stop treatment, but I cannot live with myself without saying something about this roller coaster ride of living with cancer. Yes, there are my pity pot moments, but life is happening all around me and I want to be part of the living for as long as I can even if I am on lockdown. My will to live is so strong that it seeps out of every pore and I think my body, mind, and spirit know this too. I choose to live now even if the steroids are making me a bit crazier than my normal crazy. There is one fun thing in every day, so find your one fun thing. It is difficult to know how to support those with cancer. From my perspective, it is the small things that make the difference. Knowing that you are avoiding emotional vampires, living in the moment, and not sweating the small stuff makes me one happy cancer patient. Being around my family is the best medicine around!
Advertisements

2 Responses to “Reality of the slow road recovery from Pneumonia!”

  1. Diane Peters Says:

    Joanie! How is it you always uplift ME?? You are so beautiful and the strongest woman I have ever met! Keep fighting warrior! You cannot be defeated!! I love you!!

  2. Valerie Gelb Says:

    Hang in there Joanie! You will be off house arrest before you know it! You are an amazing person and continue to be an inspiration to me and so many others! Thank you for sharing your journey through your blog! xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: