My brain on chemo…

Watching a program on the 80s, I saw the commercial for “this is your brain on drugs” with an image of a fried egg. The brain on chemo is something similar except the egg yolk is broken too, the edges of the white are fried and the egg is almost burnt. With one chemo drug, a slight fog sets in, but I am able to remember details of what I was doing. Everything is in slow motion. Two drugs is something I must have blocked out. Back in 2010, I had 3 drugs. Last Thursday, I was convinced that I wasnt that bad except I wasn’t being completely honest. Jim put me on house arrest and checked on me throughout the day asking me what I was doing when I was wandering around the house. I couldn’t remember if I brushed my teeth, ate anything, or even went to the bathroom. The fog was so thick that I just gave up entirely on doing anything productive.  I used to be frustrated with chemo brain because this was something I wouldn’t allow myself to enter this phase of cancer. Now, I accept that is part of the treatment and I am not who I was and am always changing based on the ever changing side effects of chemo. Unfortunately, this is not something Alex wants to understand since yesterday I could remember algebra like tying my shoes, but today it seems like another language. It is so surprising to Alex as he will say, “yesterday you understood this!” I try to explain that this is my brain on chemo, so just say “no” to drugs. Some days we can laugh about it like ranking me a minus 10 in brain activity for the family and other days, there are tears, anger, and frustration.

Is this combo of drugs working besides increasing the side effects? We will not know until end of day today. Off to Hoag, as the world turns for weekly chemo…By the way, it is World Ovarian Cancer Day. Spread the word, know the symptoms, and BE your own advocate for all medical issues!
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