Cancer SUCKS!

I am numb and in shock. Why can’t this cancer cooperate? Seriously, it is causing so much stress and pain on my family that is unbearable and so unfair. My scan shows cancer in my abdomen, pelvis and diaphragm. The trial drug didn’t work and so now my option is weekly chemo. We are supposed to go on vacation to Honolulu next week, but unless the drug starts working fast…this vacation is out of the question. I hate that cancer has tried to stop our fun and won’t go away. There is no easy solution and no easy day to day living in this phase. Each day brings more frustration, nerves, and pain both physical and emotional. When I saw my doctor on Weds, he grabbed both of my hands and held them in his. I don’t even remember his words as I continue to feel like I am in a tunnel only hearing every third word. While the trial drug ate all my good blood cells, I had to have a transfusion at hoag irvine. One of the nurses asked me how I can stay so positive. I told him that I have no choice because if I give into the reality or any negativity, I am afraid of losing my hope. One therapist and nurse said it is good to visit the island of negativity, but jut don’t stay there. I say that when you are in the fight for your life, that island has no place for you because you may end up staying there indefinitely. Numbers and statistics have no place in this plan. I can only go by how I am feeling and that is frightening enough. What I can focus on is that’s have been here before and did bounce back. I know chemo is what can kill the cancer and I am stronger than I was at other times. I can only go by hour by hour or even minute by minute. I ask of you to give my family strength, hope, positivity, prayers and anything else you may think will help us during this road less traveled.

4 Responses to “Cancer SUCKS!”

  1. margie Says:

    I’m sorry Joanie how sick you feel in every way, but, you have come back from this so many times…it’s not easy, but hang onto that when you don’t feel that in a moment. I believe in you so much, and you’re in my constant thoughts and prayers…because as we know this is the road less traveled! Love you very much, and am here for you…Margie

  2. Linda Kirsch Says:

    Sending you prayers as you continue in this battle. Love to you and your family.

  3. Valerie Gelb Says:

    NEGU!! You are so brave and strong! I am so sorry you are going through this nightmare! Sending prayers and big hugs to you and your family!

  4. Beth Hoss Says:

    I’m with you, Joanie! Keep fighting that jack@ss cancer!

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