“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” Mother Theresa

Last weekend, we went to Palm Springs. This is all for the spirit of enjoying every time off that Alex has from school and any non chemo fog weekend. We were non stop and had what Alex called a “fitness day” which was tennis, basketball, swimming, and hiking. The swimming included me going down the water slide. I had a moment when I thought to myself that the water was too cold or what if I “banged” my port, but I decided after Alex asked me twice to go not once, but 3 times. We laughed hours later as I looked like a crazy person on the slide. It was worth being cold and the stinging sensation that chlorine caused my non healed wound from my port surgery. We also went hiking in the Indian Canyons which was very special. I used to be a non nature person. Once you have been stuck in a bed for days, your perspective changes. I love my walks by the ocean. Hiking in these canyons which were once a spiritual place for the Indians (or maybe still is), I enjoyed the quiet sounds of water splashing on the rocks in these special oasis in the desert. I loved climbing on the rocks following Alex only to hear his voice tell me, “got to go the other way since it is a big jump”. I loved every minute because I wasn’t with pain, nausea, or other ailments. I really loved every moment since I forgot I had cancer. I didn’t think about this week which was full of tests, but just enjoyed being with Alex and Jim. Of course, our hotel room was given a 2 out of 5 for sleeping arrangements by Alex.

This week flew by since I started with the mammogram, followed by my scan, and then my blood tests. Thank goodness my mammogram was clear and my doc said twice how good I looked. We all know my “look” can be deceiving. My scan was the longest in the history of my scans. I did not appreciate the one technician telling me several times how long it was (as if I didn’t know), but thank goodness for the other technician who was on the same page as me. He organized the parts of my scan according to the parts of my body and broke it down by time (made it seem shorter!). He also had a break where the contrast had to be administered by a nurse with my port. I appreciate an organized person or a task master especially when it comes to the “hold your breath or breathe steady” scan for over 2 hours! I, closed my eyes to see Alex’s smiling face, remembered Jim’s words of love and calmness, counted the banging noises, sang songs to the different tones of the banging machine, counted backwards from 1000 (this usually works well to about 987), and thought about my next meal. I was happy to check it off my list, but concerned about the results.

I went to the cancer center this morning in Newport for my blood work. I love the nurses there. If there weren’t so many people with cancer, I would love it even more. When you are not looking like you have cancer, you aren’t usually “welcomed” in a cancer center. On the other hand,since I have been to the cancer center before, I can usually get away with it because the nurses remember me. My fellow cancer patients don’t appreciate my bouncy funny attitude I have when it comes to my cancer. So, when the nurse showed me that she can access the reports from my scan, I read them quickly to see the conclusion and declared that I have a “mild case of cancer”. It is the same story – my cancer growing in my pelvis having nothing to hang on to and cancer around my liver because it is fun to hang out there. It isn’t a small amount, but a mild amount. This result with my blood work makes a clear picture that my cancer is growing, but it isn’t big now. Of course, my nurse called me a “ticking time bomb” based on my June to August scan which the June was similar to this one and August one was a nightmare. It is all very frustrating as usual, so I couldn’t help to laugh about my mild case of cancer. I cannot describe my feelings since my timeline is still being calculated in my head. I still look at my charts trying to analyze the data to come up with some answers. I cannot find them. My doctor has no new ideas yet. Since my chemo is partially working, I will most likely go to chemo next week. I would feel better with a plan A or plan B. I will see the clinical trial doc at UCLA the week following my chemo. Supposedly one of “defects” on my tumor is a match for a drug in development.

In the meantime, I plan to enjoy my days and I hope you will too. Don’t think twice about dancing in your family room with your kids or husband. Don’t put off ¬†calling your friend or having lunch with your friend. You should never be too busy for just 5 minutes of fun. Make today count because WE ONLY HAVE TODAY.

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3 Responses to ““Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” Mother Theresa”

  1. Pendar Says:

    You are such an inspiration and a blessing to all of us who know you. Sending you love and prayers!

  2. terry fierle Says:

    I will think of u today and enjoy every minute. U inspire me.

    Terry

  3. Leah E. Says:

    Your weekend trip sounded amazing, glad you could experience it with Alex and Jim. Sending you smiles and hugs!

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