It’s only hair…

As I do my old man comb over brush forward, I am slowly coming out of the fog. It really annoys me that I am trying to fluff forward my hair, but I think back on my chemo day. I had my VIP seat as usual with my “A” team. Each of the nurses came to hug me and tell me  how happy they were to see me. I realized looking at their faces that someone was gone. I quickly did a scan and made every attempt to scan my brain for faces I remembered. It was a blur. Not to be without care, but there are so many faces both very young and old.  I could not remember. I was in/out of my drugged phase at chemo and a couple sat down next to me. I always try to be open in case someone has a question since I have been there and done that. They were newbies. The husband had that same look of shock and disbelief, but said one thing even though his eyes were saying something else. The wife kept cheering on even though she had that grey look of cancer and walked as if the wind blew, she would break due to any slight breeze. The wife passed out. The husband began with his questions, but I knew he just wanted to talk and talk. He was wishing he would be any place else. He cycled through the timeline and attempted to focus on all the highlights. I listened and smiled. I felt sad again that someone else was dealing with this cancer crap. I felt worse that Jim and I were still dealing with the cancer crap. It is a strange combination of frustration, sadness, happiness, and gratefulness. Right now, I am thankful to be here and dealing. I frightened Alex again with my passing out while he was talking to me. He had bad dreams and told us that he barely slept. I never intended to fall asleep and kept thinking if I just put my head on this pillow, I was going to be much more comfortable. Oh well!  I will add some more hair gel to do the fluff forward look, but do not take in consideration any windy conditions. Not wanting to look back, but the holidays are like that…I am much better than I was the last 3 Decembers. It is all relative. I plan to make the most of every day during this winter break whether wind, rain, sun, or more wind. I may even wear a hat. I am hoping you all stop for a moment and enjoy THE MOMENT. Really hair or no hair…it’s only hair…there is so much more.


One Response to “It’s only hair…”

  1. Diane peters Says:

    Joanie…you are truly an angel whose wings are hidden beneath your armor of strength. Everyone who comes to you in fear & with questions walks away blessed. We are all so lucky to have you in our lives. I love you my friend!

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