“Just when I determine that I have no time to waste and must relish the change of the seasons, the timetable of chemo-time nudges them aside.” Susan Gubar

Back to reality or as Jim says, “it is much easier to figure out where we were going to eat dinner in Maui then to figure out what plan b is.” We had such an amazing time in Maui. It started out a bit shaky since I was still feeling the effects of my chemo. I still (as usual) don’t know how I flew to Houston, but I just do what I do. We really enjoyed the perfect weather, tropical air, great meals, and being together as a family without the cancer crisis calling our names daily. Alex said it was if I was almost “normal”. I couldn’t agree more because there were times that I actually forgot that I had cancer. Some of the times were our walks around Maui (including Haleakala) or our snorkeling which I did forget for some moments about my cancer. Of course, what the folks at MD Anderson said to me would enter my dreams and I would awake with the reality. Luckily, I would soon forget it as the day went on.  I even played tennis which I haven’t done in ages. It really helped that it was almost cool at times and there were a lot of clouds during the day. I loved seeing my boys smiling and loved laughing.

Now, we are back to my chemo planning for Weds and the realization that I really do need a port.  When we looked at our December calendar, there weren’t enough days in the month to do what we needed to have done plus another chemo cycle. I will be back on the every 3 weeks schedule. I have to drug up starting tomorrow and I really don’t like how all those drugs make me feel. I did enjoy my drug free holiday.  We are not saying a lot about the plan which we don’t have. We are back to the unknown and I am certain that what MD Anderson may have said would be true for anyone else, but it is not my truth as they don’t know me. It is difficult to accept this life that I did not choose, but just happened. It is even more difficult to go face to face with my cancer. There was this Saturday Night Live episode a while back where a character was screaming, “Fix IT” and that is what I feel like doing. As I told all the doctors I have met along the way, I will do whatever I have to do to stay alive. So, back to UCLA I will go with my usual attitude and motivation. I am counting down to the next vacation which is in 4 weeks and I know it will go by fast. I will continue to dream about Maui and think less of the “plan” as it will have to wait until Wednesday. Until then, I will enjoy the sunshine and a trip to Costco!

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2 Responses to ““Just when I determine that I have no time to waste and must relish the change of the seasons, the timetable of chemo-time nudges them aside.” Susan Gubar”

  1. Pendar Says:

    So glad you had a nice time to relax in Maui…Alex told Jordan all about the trip today and how much fun he had…you are in my prayers every day. Hugs to you 🙂

  2. terry fierle Says:

    U give me strength joanie. I am learning so mucj from u. I respect u and thank u for the example u set daily.

    Love,

    Terry

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