“Gray skies are gonna clear up. Put on a happy face…”

Yes, I am in the time warp of chemo. Luckily, the fog has cleared just enough for me to realize that tomorrow is Alex’s birthday! Thank goodness for online shopping and advance planning (or at least a little bit of advance planning)!

When I went for my chemo way back last Wednesday, I had a “reserved” seat. I was also told that they were behind from Labor day. Who knew? (It was the 12th?!) I had a nurse who I hadn’t seen in a while and he was trained by the best, so he is VERY detail oriented. We had the ongoing joke that knowing my body, my blood would just be one point below the limit of when they could give me chemo. Not sure if these are guidelines set by insurance or doctors. Of course, my numbers came back ONE POINT ABOVE the limit. So, I had my chemo or so it began. I was already tired of sitting there, so I thought that we could cut off some minutes here and there. I didn’t know what I was thinking being my bossy fake doctor self, but I nearly vomited because of my error. All was fixed thanks to my nurse. I didn’t think things through enough as Alex was on his own for all his before school, after school, and snacks. I did forget that this chemo takes a long time and didn’t plan for his dinner. Luckily, we came home just in time.

I managed to see both doctors while at chemo and told me not to get excited too fast as we all know there are ups and downs with cancer treatment. (Oh I hardly know?!)  One doctor who has no sugar coating to his explanation said I had 2 choices either stay on chemo or not live.  I asked him if he thought I would get a break of any days or weeks. He said that I needed a break even if it was days, weeks, or months. He told me that my body needs a rest from chemo or the chemo will kill me. Good to know and I have been saying this, but somehow no one listened or maybe they knew all along. We all negotiated this chemo since they don’t want me to get in the habit of getting blood transfusions. I will now get my chemo once every 4 weeks instead of once every 3 weeks. This is an improvement since I was just feeling good the day before I went for chemo. The only other option is to reduce the amount of chemo which they don’t want to do since they want my tumor marker to get in a range where I can digest my food and not feel after eating a spoonful that I have eaten a 8 course meal. I will go and get a blood transfusion on Thursday to get ahead of this “game”.

So, I had to get the shot which increases the white cells, so I can have an immune system. This shot causes so much pain and between my pain of chemo, it is not a fun deal. I don’t know what happened in the days since my chemo, but I remember a lot of moaning, groaning, and crying with Jim rubbing my back. I also remember Alex helping me back to bed, so who knows what happened with these days passing. I am finally at some moments of clarity, but it is amazing how the mind just fogs up. As usual, I lost the words that are so familiar that we play games of charades daily without me realizing the game. Of course, for more fun and excitement, my hair is raining on my ipad which is really annoying. I am afraid to scratch my head or my eyebrows for fear the rain showers will begin.  Honestly, I know I have a good wig, but I am not ready for it and not ready to add that to my list of things to do.  I am thrilled that my foot syndrome of the hand and foot syndrome is gone. I just wish my digestion and eating was a bit easier.

I am looking forward to more fog clearing and sunny skies ahead.


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