Confessions of a chemo centerfold

I have always been in the range of a low maintenance type of gal. Cancer is so high maintenance. Now, I really understand why some women choose to do the scarf look or just the bald look with no eyebrows. This has never been an option for me. I am thrilled to have eyebrows now and eyelashes, but this routine has been replaced by my lotions and gauze and rinse routine. It used to be about the pills and potions. This has taken a turn in the wrong direction. Of course, my hair is starting to grow back without the same color or texture which makes me think that the wig look will be my look for a while even though Alex has put a firm limit on not exiting the house without the wig for at least a year. There is no hope for my feet or ankles or toes. YECH! Yesterday, I had the surprise for mother’s day while putting on my bra. Who knew this chemo causes this blistering peeling everywhere there may be contact of friction in some way. I decided to add my lotion routine to more areas, and started really examining my body. I noticed that this strange scaling lizard like shedding was happening in many places. I had Jim start researching. He confirmed what I already realized. This was lizard skin disease caused by my chemo. The only solution would be either to add more lotion to my routine or start living on a nudist colony. Another option could be the no undergarment prescription. This would really go over well with 5th graders in computer lab. I told Jim that I would definitely need a boob job or maybe a butt job or just a new job after this cancer job. If Alex was worrying about me exiting the house without hair, what would he think of his mom exiting the house without clothes. I am making a plea out there to all the brilliant scientists. I realize the cure to cancer is really difficult, but can you come up with a chemo that doesn’t make you nauseous, doesn’t make your hair fall out, and doesn’t make you grow lizard skin. I am just asking  for a drug that does not cause baldness, and force patients to go braless. Is this too much to ask? Finally, I understand why many cancer patients don’t exit the house. Isn’t it enough to have this cancer job with absolutely no benefits and added pain and suffering? My only solution is to seek one of those make up artists from the sci fi channel and ask them to apply a full body lizard make up and pose for either the centerfold of some strange magazine or create a full lizard body image to send a message to drug companies. All I can say is that thank goodness I don’t have any friction causing folds of skin on my face or I would really look like a reptile. Yes, it could be worse. I guess I better start my nightly routine before I fall asleep in the tub of lotion. There is nothing like lubing up so much that you slide into the toilet nightly.

To answer your question about my mother’s day…I was happy to be with my boys, but not enjoying my world of living as a reptile.


One Response to “Confessions of a chemo centerfold”

  1. Lisa Says:

    I vote for the nudist colony!!

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