“Mom, I would give you my left hand, if you would feel better every day.” Alex

I did ask him why the  left hand and he told me that although he couldn’t play piano, he would still be able to write! I am pretty much out of the fog, but it wasn’t easy. I felt like I took a bottle of sleeping pills, but somehow they did not last long and was waking up with a lot of pain, but kept falling asleep. My boys looked concerned and told me that I did not look good, and somehow had the complexion of an oompa loompa (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). I figured this was good since they didn’t tell me I looked like Violet the girl who inflates like a blueberry. I was just so uncomfortable and nothing seemed to help. It seemed like days passed and I couldn’t remember my name or names of things that were normal around the house items like a toaster, oven, fridge, or door. I think the worst part was the dizziness. I did follow the nurse’s advice (as Jim says, “finally”) and took sips of water throughout the day. I did attempt to measure the water by taking it from the same pitcher, but unfortunately, the pitcher was cracked and leaking water (so much for that plan). I rinsed my mouth about 30 times a day to prevent the mouth sores which also seemed to work.  I think I watched a lot of TV, but who knows!? I tried to be a good patient. I really followed all the rules in an attempt to do a couple of things: attend Alex’s carnival on Friday and enjoy my birthday next week without having chemo brain. Although chemo brain could come in handy for remembering that I am still only 21! This chemo is long lasting as I realized that the week before this chemo I should have been wearing a mask around town due to my almost zero immune system. Glad I didn’t know, so I enjoyed every minute until I had to go to chemo.

Alex is my second rock star! He sat in my bed and opened a very cool gift of photos of nature which had some pretty good quotes! He turned the page and read every one of them. He told me to really look at the photo and imagine that I was at the place hearing the water, seeing the wind blow the leaves, and feeling the warmth of the sun. When he closed the book, he said, “mom, there are a lot of good messages here. So, if you start having bad thoughts, you should open the book and read the quotes and look at the photos again.” Then, he kissed me on the cheek and tucked me into bed. My sweet Alex is such a big guy now!

I love the smell of the air these days. I cannot explain it. The sun is almost shining for me and the skies are almost clear. I do look forward to the carnival this year especially since Alex’s class has the baseball booth instead of cotton candy which does not work well when you are wearing a wig! Enjoy the springtime!



2 Responses to ““Mom, I would give you my left hand, if you would feel better every day.” Alex”

  1. Kelly Goodman Says:

    I would give you my right hand if it made you feel better every day!

  2. Ali Brush Says:

    I love it when, among all the craziness, a kid says something wise in the simplest words. You’re lucky to have such a thoughful little guy!

    xoxo – Ali

    p.s. Sorry I’m laughing thinking of you with cotton candy webs in your wig!

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