“The universe is always speaking to us. … Sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipity, reminding us to stop, to look around, to believe in something else, something more.” Nancy Thayer

I am think the universe was definitely sending a message to the driver of the car that hit us! Who puts their 6 year old in the front seat while driving in stop and go traffic on the 405??? Not sure of the message to myself or Jim as I am still shaking my head (only left and right! up and down is too painful!) in disbelief!

My 2 1/2 days of freedom went by like a flash of light. Of course, they were filled with my usual cancer job of talking to insurance and nurses. I am happy to report that my short term memory loss is a “popular” side effect of my chemo. Now, I know my post-it obsession is a solution to this common problem. Unfortunately, this has caused me much frustration with Alex saying, “it is okay mom, just sit down and listen to your favorite music.” He puts on some of my favorites and dances around to “impress” me with his latest dance moves. I have the fear that this chemo is not working fast enough as I confessed to Jim on Wednesday that I was not feeling as good as I should feel or did not feel as I did before with all the other chemo treatment. There are no answers. I push the fear away, but it keeps resurfacing.

So, all you Jay Leno fans, you will be hearing about my 911 call with a dozen curse words screaming that I needed a police escort to chemo because this idiot with her child in the front seat slammed into our car. I was screaming like a crazy person. When I saw the hood of her BMW folded like an origami triangle, I knew this idiot was going fast and our dear new Fordy Fusion Hybrid saved us! The tow truck driver tried to calm me down. Jim knew what was best and gave me the task of typing her insurance info into my phone. Of course, we managed to take some great photos of her child sitting in the front seat, her car, her license plate, but too bad we didn’t take a photo of the driver.  I called the chemo closet and they sounded more nervous for me when I repeated what had happened. They asked if I was bleeding, but I wasn’t. My body felt strange, but later was told by the officer that was whiplash. The motorcycle officer pulled us over to the right shoulder. The idiot came out of her car and started telling the officer it was impossible that I was injured because it was because of “her cancer”. Well, that is one thing I know for sure is that chemo DOES NOT cause whiplash! It was my one part of my body that has been injury free and pain free for 22 months of chemo! The officer (like an episode of Cops and I started hearing the theme song, “bad boys, bad boys…”) told her to step away, go to her car, or she was going to cause more problems for herself. She kept trying, but he warned her again. Jim told me later that somehow the idiot’s daughter was now in the back seat. Jim also told me when the officer asked her, she did tell the truth. I was concerned about all my treats! Did the beautiful apple cupcakes become apple sauce? The officer asked me if I was going to the doctor to get checked and I confirmed that I would. Since we were late, Jim dropped me off and I walked to the office.

We were greeted and swarmed by the office staff and nurses asking if we needed an attorney or help. They managed to take the apple cupcakes and the office came to a standstill while they took photos of them with their phones while phones were ringing and patients waiting. Then, they did their own show and tell to the patients. The place went from silence to chatter and laughter. It was as if everyone was shrugging their shoulders and then, all of a sudden big exhales! I was told by all the nurses that my doctor was coming and I would need to see an ortho or go to the hospital after chemo.

My chemo went fine with one of my requested nurses. My blood work came back and was low, but not low enough to not do chemo. Go blood! They took blood for the next tumor marker. The team started calling an orthopedic doctor who would see me today at UCLA. Yesterday was old people chemo day.  Many arrived with walkers and canes. I brought the average age down to about 89!? My volunteer (notice I say MY) was back and I told him about my punch card idea which he thought was a great idea. He said he would talk to his boss. Then, while Jim was talking to the insurance, the chaplain came! Are you kidding me? She asked me to tell her how I was really feeling. I was thinking of a few not so special words to tell her, but decided I would delegate another one of my ideas for the chemo closet. I told her about the cute t-shirts Scripps and other cancer centers have with cute sayings. The staff should wear this type of shirt with a cute quote about hope or dreams or whatever! She took a lot of notes and said she would let me know. Glad, Jim was gone, but she ended with, “see you next week”. Huh? She better not think of talking to me next week unless her task is completed. Yes, I realize it was a bit disrespectful (something I insist Alex to never be), but it was her tone of despair, pity, and sadness like she was the one with cancer.I talked to a frequent flyer and her husband. They remind me a lot of Jim and myself. They explained what was happening which Jim and I now got the scoop as to why they were testing my tumor. She is on a pill form of a new drug in a trial. This drug is why they were testing to see if my tumor had this broken gene. One drug at a time for me. I started to leave, but what else could happen? The lab lost my blood, so I needed to have more taken. Are you kidding me? Jim and I decided to go to Hoag since the UCLA orthopedic doctors seemed impossible to get an appointment. As we were almost getting on the freeway, they called and back we went to UCLA. The doctor said “it is what it is” typical whiplash. He gave me an order for physical therapy and some drugs. Oh, just what I need more drugs, plus instructions for ice until Saturday and no working out. Excellent, I have to cancel my kickboxing class for the weekend. HA! Yes, kickboxing in bed! This UCLA orthopedic surgeon was so great and kind. I told him thanks for the xrays as I would be now glowing in the dark! I was still trying to figure out which good day would I get physical therapy. Jim drove us in our broken car home and I passed out.

Last night, doctor called with my tumor marker which has gone down a few more points. I told them all I knew it wasn’t going down fast based on how I felt. Who am I to know my cancer cells? Jim and I realized that this would mean a summer of chemo or maybe not? This cancer job has made me think about friends and family. It has brought all of us closer especially true friends. I have gained new friends and lost friends. I know it is too much for some people.  Others drain every bit of sunshine from me. (THE E.V.s) How I choose to handle my days confuses some and others completely understand me. Either way, I know it is not easy for you or for me. It still sucks and it sucks that the idiot hit our car, but maybe just maybe she may think for a moment that she should be sorry if not about the accident, but for the fact that she could have harmed her own child. As my fog sets in, I am overwhelmed by emotion. I do feel so very loved by so many wonderful people. You all bring me sunshine even when my days are cloudy and full of fog.

Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Love the One Your With:

And you don’t remember who your talking to
Your concentration slips away
Because your baby, she is so so far away…

And if you cant be with the one you love
Love the one your with
Don’t be angry
Don’t be sad…


One Response to ““The universe is always speaking to us. … Sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipity, reminding us to stop, to look around, to believe in something else, something more.” Nancy Thayer”

  1. Theresa Says:

    Hello. My name is Theresa from New York. I forget how I found your blog… But I’m glad I did! I have primary peritoneal carcinoma, stage 4, 42 years old. After the doom and gloom mr doctors gave me, I am encouraged to see you are doing well still. I will read more of your blog tomorrow…. Keep up the fight!

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