“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” — Albert Einstein

With all this craziness about my numbers, I forgot to describe my visit to UCLA.  I did not even get the nausea onset as we pulled into the driveway. While having some snacks, I saw a frequent flyer who had her full head of hair and was with her daughter. She told me that she just asked about me and was so happy to see me. Unfortunately, she is one of the patients that I “talked” to under the influence of many drugs and my happy texting day. So, I am still unsure of what I said to her. She looked great and nice and healthy!

The best news about UCLA is very exciting! Guess what? They are remodeling again! Lady Gaga pod rooms for everyone even just for visits! The nurses told me the good news and laughed about the designers not really being in touch with a cancer patient. I told them Lady Gaga is better than closet darkness anytime! Boy, did the nurses and staff miss me (or is it the cupcakes and special treats)! I saw one of my favorite nurses who told me that I was talked about that morning and they will find something better for me. She said, “you tried and now you will try something else”.  The overflow room was used for visits which is uglier than ugly while the other room is being remodeled. I saw more frequent flyers and some did look worse and others looked better. I was greeted like a long lost family member or best friend. Go team! You just cannot help feeling their pain and their own crazy ride. The grey faces, gaunt look, and thin frail bodies tell you all you need to know.

We had a tag team approach with Jim and his notes and my mom and her notes. I was just there for the ride. I didn’t even have to fake cry because tears just came. I have only cried 3 times in the chemo closet total! My doctor said, “I know, it sucks!”. This only made me laugh a little bit because if you can see him, he is not the type to use the word “sucks”.  He stayed with us about an hour and discussed the plan. He reminded us to take things day by day. Even the other doctor (I don’t know why, but he is like an angry bird character to me), gave a smile and an encouraging look of “let’s play this game again.” I have choices of chemo that I haven’t tried. One old, one new, plus some other ideas that UCLA is doing in trial phases. I definitely decided that I want to have chemo earlier in the week. Why ruin my weekend? I should get a fast pass or upgrade to any time I want my chemo. Three recurrences in two years, over 18 months of chemo, plus a trial, has to get you something! I also do have to mention even with only See’s candy in hand and not those beautiful cupcakes and treats, I was immediately upgraded to a private room. Although I think it was for their protection just in case I had an emotional outburst like the rest of the frequent flyers. My outburst wasn’t a burst, but a gentle flow of tears to remind me that I still think this sucks and to remind them that as strong as I am, I am feeling this third time is a charm close to my heart!  The tears are not so much for myself as for everyone else who has been with me every step of the way. I know it isn’t easy and I know now more than ever that everyone handles this ride differently with and without humor.

Of course, the jolt of reality hit again when attempting to book my scan. They have changed the requirements, so that I have to jump up and down, tie a cherry stem with my tongue, and sing the America’s Top 40 before I can book an appointment. Luckily, my rock star husband handled everything ! While I enjoyed the sunshine with my family, he sent emails, made calls, and got a giant migraine for me! Mission accomplished, scan will be on Wednesday at 7:15 after much begging.

Enjoy the day! Laugh a LOT! I feel the love that surrounds me from coast to coast! Hugs sent back to you!


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