The Waiting Game

I definitely am more of the plan ahead type instead of the wait and see type. Besides catching “the crud”, I now fully understand the damage that chemo did on my body. There is something odd when you put nose drops in your nose and they come out your eyes. It has some benefits for Halloween, but I have to say that the burning sensation is something I can do without. I have said this before, but have to say it again…what is up with the single upper lip hair growing at a rate of usability as your dental floss and the top of the hair growing very very slowly. Plus, all the “blank spots” as Alex calls them leave a lot to be desired.  My old body (BC-before cancer) would respond to antibiotics so quickly that I was better in a day. Jim and I were discussing the fact that I never really got sick. I like to go for the big diseases like cancer. Now, a simple cold can turn to pneumonia in a snap. I am happy that my cells made enough vaccines at the vaccine factory, but I think between that process and the chemo, my immune system is broken or in very slow repair.

I have been talking to a friend who was recently diagnosed and she said, “we will never be the same”. She is right. We talked about our kids and how we both are planners. When questions come up now about “what did you do when you are a teenager?”, I think more about what I should be writing down like what to NOT do when you are dating. Not to sound negative like the episode of the Big C with the main character buying gifts for her son at every age (even a car for his 21st birthday) and hiding them in a storage place, but I want to make the most of this waiting time. Things cross my mind during this waiting game. I used to write down all the funny things Alex said or did in this journal. Of course, I noticed my last entry was over a year ago. I did go back and read some of these Alex sayings and was laughing out loud. During my waiting game, I want to do more of these types of tasks. I want less to focus on my cancer job. Unfortunately, the 2nd opinion program for Jim’s work is turning out to be more of a cancer job. I told this company that lucky for them I am not the “last resort, crisis cancer patient” because if that person was waiting for a second opinion…UH OH!

I am definitely back to making the most of my day doing things I want to do and being around people I want to be with…avoiding those vampires of negativity. We managed to go to Oak Glen last weekend even though we usually go in November. I told Jim that we better go when we all can go. Tomorrow is just not acceptable. Back to Vickie Girard, “Remember we had aches and pains before cancer, just as we do now. Every one of your aches and pains is not cancer. There comes a time when every cancer survivor must simply step out the door and do it-and for us, the “it” is to live.” This is what I will continue to do! Live and Love! Make every second count even if means waiting….



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