Brady Bunch designed Scripps

While enjoying my lovely drive in the rain to La Jolla, I could not even see the ocean! Once I arrived, I noticed that the hospital not only has an ocean view, but is right on the Torrey Pines golf course. Unfortunately, the circa 1970s building has not been updated at all. The lobby is definitely groovy with a strange atrium and fountain in the center. I felt like I was in a scene from the Brady Bunch with a possibility of  any moment, Austin Powers dressed in doctor scrubs welcoming me. Come to think of it, my new nurse would really look like Austin Powers if only he had that accent to match his look. I attempted to find my new nurse who was on a scavenger hunt for my chart. This hunt continued with finding the location we were supposed to meet my nurses for Thursday. I had to remind him, not once, not twice, but three times that I was coming back on Thursday. This became a very confusing Brady moment for all, somewhere between the episode of Peter’s voice changing and the repeating footage of Marsha’s “oh my nose” only my nurse kept repeating, “oh, right, on Thursday”.  We finally made a gigantic circle. I realized on my own that if we walked straight from the entrance of the hospital to the first nurses station, we would have found the right place in seconds. Boy, this was a fun time for sure. I met several nurses who will be there for my procedure on Thursday. I learned that they were focused on me fully drugged up and suggested 2 of the drugs which caused me to hallucinate and go crazy. No thank you. The one nurse looked at me as if I was saying no to a check for a million dollars. Not sure what was up with this, unless there was a need to put me to sleep and hallucinate for a couple of days. Maybe, I was missing some details. Of course, this did make me think of how to use the bathroom and my new nurse had no idea or just didn’t want to give me the news. Oh, I will be using a bed pan. Can you say no food or drink? No thanks, but I reminded myself it is only for one day and for a good cause. Of course, my next concern is that my cells get to the place to make the drug for me or will they be lost in space?!

I did finally meet the research doctor after meeting with his gatekeeper who translated what I said. No, the research doctor does not speak another language. He just doesn’t have the time to listen. A whole new world for me. No audience? I was asked by the research doctor about a dozen times (I guess because I must have not agreed out loud, but just smiled) if I understood this was an experiment with no guarantees. I am sure there is some magic lingo that a patient in a trial is supposed to say, but I wasn’t trained in this area. He kept repeating and I said I understood, but somehow this wasn’t the word he wanted. I didn’t want to play charades and I am sure his gatekeeper did not have the time for that. He was waiting for me to say, “no more questions”. At least, I think it was this phrase. It was over in a flash with several private meetings of a group of unknown people. Were these secret researchers or assistant researchers or just more fans of the Brady Bunch building crew? I was shown a secret indoor walkway which links the two hospital buildings. I did ask why would you need this indoor walkway when you have the best view of the ocean and golf course. It is all so puzzling. I am not sure my room does have a view of anything for my Thursday procedure. I think I was too overwhelmed by the big centrifuge machines and the fact that they wanted to drug me with drugs that I don’t want to take. Just in case, if you get any strange text messages or emails from me on Thursday, I want to apologize in advance. This is all in the name of scientific research!


4 Responses to “Brady Bunch designed Scripps”

  1. Tami Says:

    Joanie, i am laughing and crying while i read this at the same time. Sounds almost like a scene from SNL or Twilight Zone. Take your pick XOXO Tami

  2. margie Says:

    Wow, is all I can say to this…you’re a trooper! Sending my love!

  3. Lisa Schuman Nyhus Says:

    Good luck tomorrow Joanie. As usual, your attitude & sense of humor are an inspiration:) I continue praying for you to sail through this new “adventure” sanely & symptom-free. If I can do anything for you, please let me know:)
    Hang in there!

  4. Diane Says:

    Bring on the text messages…they’re the BEST!! xoxox

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