“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” Marcel Proust

I was convinced that my blood would be fine and my vampire days were over. I must be an expert on how to camouflage the cancer. As I have heard many times, “you would never know you had cancer.”  (even the new doctor today told me that I looked “incredible”…based on the pale sad faces in his waiting room, I agreed) The wonders of make-up, a cute outfit, a cute wig that looks like a real hair style, and some very important accessories are enough to hide how you really feel no matter what the issue is. I am an expert. I should get an official badge or pin to wear. I hate to think it is as the art of deception, but it works on making me believe I am not really sick. My only reminders are large gusts of wind, very dangerous for a wig wearer.  I really thought with a 1/4 dose of chemo, that I would not need platelets. Even the nurses told me I would be fine. They sent the charge nurse who was holding my report, ” sorry honey, we got to find you a room”. So, while I expected to be doing my shopping at Target, I didn’t prepare for this. I had to ask the usual questions as if it makes a difference about where the blood came from…Newport beach again. Then, I had to go back on Saturday which was not good timing since we had a wedding to go to. On Saturday, I was told that I am okay to be around crowds (good to know as if I would have listened to them), but I am very anemic. Oh, good to know that even after a good application of make-up, my face still appeared to have a pale look. I had thought I forgot to put any make-up on!  Of course, I had to go back to Hoag today just because my veins did not look convincing enough that I was some type of drug addict. Geez, I hope this goes away before Alex starts school. I can just hear the rumors now, “she always did seem a bit strange…did you see her arms? Poor Alex, her mom is a druggie”.

I did meet with a new oncologist in Newport who is very nice and did inform me instead of the ole’ chronic cancer condition that my cancer will come back. It is just a matter of time and a matter of figuring out what drug will work. He seemed to think that the Scripps idea sounded good for now. He did remind me that there is no magic answer. I did know that, but would rather not be reminded that the cancer will keep coming back. I just figured it would be good to have a local oncologist just in case especially since I was a frequent “flyer” of Hoag Hospital.

Well, I did get the official word from UCLA via email that my chemo needs to be stopped. My body has had enough. (My mind has also had enough) So, I will start the screening process for Scripps next week. I always thought I needed an upgrade with an ocean view. If we time things right, we can have a nice ocean view drive with a possibility of a weekend in La Jolla. Things are beginning to sound a bit better. I feel fortunate to have such a big team of doctors with incredible minds. I do have a deep fondness for UCLA. Despite that ongoing joke that I say about getting attention requires blood coming out of your eyes, I do feel that I am not just a number and they do care. There is a balance and support that you need from your doctors who tell you the truth in the most gentle way. I know in the back, back of my mind the truth, but I don’t need to have the reality told to me over and over. I prefer to wear my wig, my make-up, accessories and make the most of my every minute with a lot of laughter. Also, I do take naps when I need them!


One Response to ““Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” Marcel Proust”

  1. Pendar Says:

    You are beautiful with or without makeup!

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