“When we are being compassionate, we consider another’s circumstance with love rather than judgement… To be compassionate is to move into the right here, right now with an open heart consciousness and a willingness to be supportive.” — Jill Bolte Taylor (My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey)

Thursday was the carmaggedon preview. It took us 3 hours to get to UCLA and 3 hours to get home. I guess there really isn’t anything going on here since the closing of the 405 has become the “carmaggedon”.  The chemo matrix was strangely empty and very short staffed with nurses. Only 2 nurses and my options were limited. Luckily for my doctor, he told the nurses to listen to me as I am “the boss”. I am sure they really enjoyed being told what to do by a fake nurse.(me!) I came armed with diva cupcakes which were too cute to eat, but brought smiles to everyone. The vase of duct tape flowers greeted me as if I did work there. My blood was taken and numbers for my red count did not look that great, but platelets seemed good (or so I thought). We had a meeting of the minds (although mine was missing-it must be due to the lack of oxygen or the carmaggedon). Both doctors expressed their concern about my continual blood transfusions. They made suggestions which I was not in full agreement, but I had Jim who does play the fake doctor. Jim reminded the doctor of the latest drug analysis and timing of the recurrence. All is so mysterious and there is no straight forward answer. My solution was to wait one more week and wait for the tumor marker test. If my tumor marker continued to go down, then let’s keep going. My tumor marker did go down (we were there long enough to wait for the test). I had this horrible burning from the chemo, so we had to slow the drip down even further and mix with saline. Since the tumor marker was good news, I am going to try to get my thoughts together for the  meeting prior to chemo next week. I do not want to change the chemo or reduce the chemo. October is just around the corner (okay, maybe not for you summer people), but I don’t want a whole new set of problems just because of a blood problem. I will swear and promise to no sword fighting, knife playing, scissor using, or whatever it takes.

My family has returned to Houston and the month seemed to fly by…I felt that we all did what we wanted to do and made the most of every moment. Now while in my sleeping beauty fog, it seems like weeks ago instead of days ago. The nausea is back and the very drugged feeling is back. I am doing everything to avoid the implosion. The weather is fantastic and I am thinking I will get out tomorrow, but gave into the sleep today. I will go back to dream of my nieces laughter, nephew’s hugs, sister’s smile, brother in law biking, parents hugs, Alex, Jim, and the nice cool breeze….

 

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