“Make each day your masterpiece.” John Wooden

I am quoting John Wooden a lot…go UCLA! Seriously, I decided to read the Essential Wooden instead of my cancer books for a change of pace. I am also reading Bossy Pants which gives me a laugh every so often. Already July? What happened to June? The past couple of days I have been thinking about what cancer does to the people who love you. We try to laugh a lot to avoid the tears. When we cry, my nose hurts because of my missing nose hairs, so I try to stop fast. When you write me a note or email, I get to revisit your love and encouragement again and again. When you hug me, I never want to let go. When I see myself with now one side of baldness and the other side of tufts, I am reminded that I do have cancer and I know you are reminded too. I am in the moment and want everyone to be in the now, in the moment. I cannot think of months ahead and especially years. I can think of tomorrow, but cannot get lost in frustrating moments whether waiting in line or EV or dumb people. I have to let go of all of it to keep going. I also have to minimize my crisis and know my doctors are being my doctors. I have things to do which involve all who love me, so to have someone poke me again today to check my blood…it isn’t going to work for me.

Back to reality and the red for the red, white, and blue. I have all colors covered this year. I missing some red blood cells, nice white pale complexion, and blue from my bruising. This is the way to celebrate! I know I remember some other holiday that I wanted to avoid going to the hospital. The same thing goes for this missing red blood cells. On Thursday, despite my best efforts and visualization of the Pac Men NOT eating my red blood cells, but only eating my cancer, my blood counts were not good. I had to get a shot in hopes that this will stimulate red blood cells to go crazy. I am going tomorrow to have it checked again as my platelets when from super star gangsta blood to the “avoid all knives, swords, and even paper cuts.” I may need some platelets tomorrow. I am hoping that they may be from Maui or even NYC? I know it may sound like a strange request, but I could use a sniff of floral air and the noise of the city to get me ready for the next chemo.  All I know is if I need the blood, I better get it quickly so I get to see Sofia’s performance at the OCPAC. I guess I should have known I had this blood issue with my inability to talk as loud as I want without feeling like I am gasping for air. I did not have any major bloody noses, but got one this morning to remind me that I have a problem. Plus, in the late afternoon, I lost any energy I had. Yesterday, I gave into the whole blood crisis and took a nap. Today, it was pretty much the same with the exception of a couple of errands.

Besides the blood crisis, I have a new project which any boy under the age of 6 will like called, project poop or for the older crowd, constipation calamity crisis.  The recipes that I am getting from my doctors are making me almost believe that the coffee latte enemas may not be such a bad idea. I am eating vegetables, fruits, drinking a lot, plus every combination of laxative, stool softener, fiber, etc… Yes, this is the price I pay for not being nauseous! You cannot win this game of side effects. That could be a book title, “How to win the game of chemo side effects” .  I am starting to re-visit the anatomy class I took along with the nutrition class to look for some clues. Oh, I got it. When my hair rains, the calories consumed fall out with my hair? This is cancer digestion and it works backwards or upwards or does not work at all.  Once I figure this out along with the best recipe, I will document it and put it on the message boards.  Until then, gotta get some dinner.


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