“I’m not what I ought to be;Not what I want to be;Not what I am going to be;But I’m thankful I am not what I used to be.” John Wooden

I am convinced that I am now have a professional cancer career (temporary of course!). I know the drill and compared to last summer, I think I have this chemo thing figured out. Of course, there are always new challenges that come and go, but most of it is basically the same. I still get teary eyed when I think of my trifecta. I still do cry when the bone pain starts, but I still manage to laugh. I fight every day like I am running a race in every way possible. June gloom or not, I am convinced to make the most of these weeks before I start this “job” again. This is why Alex and I went to the beach yesterday. Yes, I did wear a sweatshirt. Sorry, all you people who are experiencing a sweating summer now. I chose the Montage beach because it has the cleanest toilets and with the June gloom or even in winter, it is usually empty. Alex was such a trooper carrying most of our stuff. We had such a great time even if it was for only a short time. Watching Alex swim in the ocean, I smiled the entire time. I even had a very informative discussion with the lifeguard who explained the tides, currents, swells at this beach as well as current patterns influenced by Antartica, New Zealand, and Alaska. Who knew lifeguards could provide such information? I thanked him for all that he does for everyone at the beach. He answered me with, “that is a first…no one usually thanks me unless it is a MAJOR rescue.” Again, appreciate every encounter you have with people who make an effort, you will be so happy you did.

Another new development is the appreciation of what tastes good to me. I am so happy when I can actually taste the food or when something I try is unexpectedly amazing. We had lunch at the Lumberyard with the family and who knew that grilled romaine lettuce would taste good?! By the same token, if things are not tasting as they seem, it really does ruin the meal. It was a rough couple of days and the ups and downs of this treatment are very annoying.  I do refuse to think of myself as someone who has cancer and ignore most of the ailments that occur. I am reminded daily when I get a call or email from my doctor. I do not ignore the selfish side of cancer. It is the “all about me” disease. This is something I have gotten more used to. I do listen to my body instead of pushing my body to the limits. I can have days in bed not even having the strength to brush my teeth. I just remind myself that this will pass. I appreciate that my body responds to the chemo and I try to treat it right by attempting to move around every day (when I can), eating right, and sleeping when I need to sleep. I have to do this as I have so much to fight for….

What is increasingly entertaining is the raining of the hair! There is nothing like removing your make up with a cotton ball, followed by removing your hair with another cotton ball. I am so happy to have my eyebrows and eyelashes and have tested this by rubbing the cotton ball over these areas and finding no shedding. I am slightly obsessed with the rainfall of hair, but as Jim and I discussed, it will come back eventually. I had to think about the timing of the hair growth. Yes, a hair growth timeline. So, I will finish this chemo in October and should be able to possibly have a  short hair style for my birthday in April? This is all based on my last hair growth, but who knows this could be different. As long as I have hair for our cruise in summer 2012, I will be happy. Who wants to take some wigs to Europe? Just don’t have the room in my luggage for that!

Of course, the job continues as I will go for a blood check on Thursday. I am convinced that this gangsta blood was great. I do have some strange bruises, but nothing like before…I do expect the numbers to go down, but not like before. I am judging this based on walking down the stairs is not like I ran a marathon. I am thinking I will be good to go without more blood. If this isn’t the case, then my body is amazing! That would mean it is acting on the inside like how I project myself on the outside. I see the sun peeking through the clouds and I love that smell…again the smell of summer.


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