“We are stronger than we think we are. We have courage that we do not recognize until we need it. We are equal to challenges that we haven’t even imagined yet.” Peter Buffett

I am beginning to see the light except the harsh reality of the nature of people continues to shock me. I am constantly overwhelmed by the emails, cards, food, snacks, calls, and conversation by those who continue to support me to win this race. I am also continually surprised and disappointed by those who do not fully understand my race to win. It goes back to a conversation I had with Alex’s first grade team of teachers. When I was baffled at the behavior of some parents, they explained to me the truth of some of these unusual parents. These  people are like no others I have met along the cities I lived or even countries I lived. A very unusual “breed” of people who are so self involved, self absorbed, and narcissistic. Could there be something in the water here that causes a narcissistic personality disorder?  Jim reminds me also that no one really understands what I am going through. He reminds me it is difficult to fully understand unless you are living “it”.

I have learned so much about people in this cancer journey. Many are afraid and many are just plain ole strange! I am surrounded by so much love that keeps me going, but reminded by those few who are going against my current pace. I always expect the same energy to come back that I am putting out. Believe me, it requires a lot of energy and strength to keep my “force”, but I am determined because of all of you. My Dad always told me to treat people how you want to be treated, but then why are there some strange oddities along the way who try to zap my positivity? I refuse to let these people have the power and chase me away. My recent encounters with the people of NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorders) continues to puzzle me. I definitely cannot solve this one and I am all about fixing, so maybe this is what bothers me.

I have also learned to ask for help more often, but my brain is so clouded these days. So, if I am asking for something…remember this new self is a new me (my old self would love to hear the story as to why you can or cannot help me), but I now need just a simple “yes” or “no”. I appreciate everyone who has helped me, but my brain cannot process the details. I am hoping in my off weeks that I will be more like myself. I do apologize because I usually love to hear all the details of stories that are NOT cancer involved and focused on what drugs to take or not take!

The air is clear and I need to get some oxygen. So, I think I will walk to the park. Listening to the water from my fountain and hearing the birds sing reminds me that there is something so much bigger than myself. I know I have the power to fight this fight. Most importantly, I feel all your love and support and that gives me even more power.


One Response to ““We are stronger than we think we are. We have courage that we do not recognize until we need it. We are equal to challenges that we haven’t even imagined yet.” Peter Buffett”

  1. Kelli Moore Says:

    Wow, you continue to amaze me. I think about you every day, sending prayers and positive energy your way. You are simply a beautiful, amazing and strong, strong woman! Hang in there. There are way too many narcisstic people, I so agree with you there…scary sometimes.

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