Archive for February, 2011

I became one of those people in the closet!

February 26, 2011

I know what you are all thinking. You think that I wore my pajamas to the closet. Nope, actually according to Jim, I looked like I was not ready for combat and looked very relaxed and beautiful. I should have worn the combat outfit. We will not mention that I was being my usual stubborn contrary self when Jim had to convince me to eat some protein. I have usually done this and when I don’t…let’s just say things don’t go that well. I should have known to prepare to do “battle” when I waited 40 minutes just to go back for my treatment. There was much confusion as to where I was going. I came so close to being upgraded, but found out later it was all due to the “bad” nurse being in the upgraded room. How does that all work? When entering the closet, I had the choice of sitting next to a crazy closet mate (noticed a newbie chose to sit next to the whining yelling complaining man over the crazy closet mate), so my next choice was the broken chair literally wedged in the corner of the closet lacking much oxygen. There were 2 women there who seemed to be laughing, so it looked safe. Back to my outfit, I had this blue hoodie with my skinny jeans and a pink scarf with blue butterflies (one of my favorites from Amsterdam).

It all started with the usual discussion of the slow drip as if this is something new for me. My nurse (I haven’t had her for a while) was convinced that this is completely foreign and had to find the doctor. She also kept telling me that I should have been in the other closet and apologized. I saw one of my favorite nurses who also commented about me being in the upgraded room.  After checking my blood levels which are improved slightly and I am happy they are not getting worse, I am told that the drip will be slow. Yipee or so, I thought. I learned that the cheerful woman has lung cancer and had 36 treatments and she comes every month for 3 days. She was very funny and told stories about all the people who say stupid things to her. I thought my time in the closet was long?! She left and was replaced by another woman who had melanoma and was in remission for 3 years and it started coming back since November. She was very pretty and wore great earrings. My cousin, Margie and I did our same thing which is laughing especially when Margie does her Saturday Night Live impressions and making our usual jokes.

Lessons learned again, you must be your own advocate and document everything. Stand up and look at your IV, write down times, ask questions, and when you have a feeling that something is wrong, it usually IS! My nurse came over to announce she was doing the flush which is at the end of the treatment. I looked at the tube with the medicine and it was not empty. Both Margie and I told her that it did not seem to be time for the flush and we definitely asked questions. Well, she just proceeded and as she did so, I felt as if my body was burning from my toes to my chest. My heart was racing and I felt like I could vomit. As you know I have vomit phobia. I looked at Margie and said something is not right. She yelled to my nurse who said, “what” and Margie jumped out of her seat, asked my favorite nurse for ice and told her something wasn’t right. I was trying to take my scarf off, but was choking myself. Luckily, Margie untangled me. There was no oxygen at all. It was an out of body experience at that point for me. Margie getting cold paper towels, ice water, can of cold soda since there was no ice. My doctor bringing a block of ice as big as a ream of paper wrapped in a pillowcase placing it on me, nurse taking my blood pressure, doctor taking my pulse, doctor rubbing my knee, doctor telling me to look at him and everything will be okay. My closet neighbor’s husband stood up, grabbed my hand and started praying out loud for me. It was all so strange and I could not  express myself as I wanted. I was on the verge of tears, but more focused on stopping the thoughts of vomiting. My blood pressure was high, but all I wanted was the nausea to go away. Things started getting better slowly as they continued the IV with fluids. Luckily, Margie either by being related or having mental telepathy, knew just what to do to help me avoid the vomitosis. Jim was getting me pretzels at the time and was not too happy to see what happened. I have never had that reaction. Of course, the nurse and doctor had no explanation, but I had to wait longer to make sure I could leave and get in the car for the ride on the 405 parking lot. So, I became one of those people in the closet that has “a reaction” that the fellow closet mates worry either, will they have the same reaction or they worry what is happening to that girl. Either way, it is not a positive experience for all closet mates. We are all too close for any comfort. We are all feeling the lack of oxygen, light, and sense of calm.

My night was very drug induced. When I woke up this morning, I was without a voice, but with a terrible headache and the nausea resumed. I tried everything not to take the anti-nausea drugs and had to be my “just say no” self when I should being saying “yes”. I took the drugs and called my internist since she is easy to reach. I told her of my saga and additional new fun symptoms and she called some more drugs into the pharmacy just in case. I have so many drugs that the pharmacist had to call me and tell me what not to mix. I told her I will not do “a Michael Jackson” and she said, “seriously, you will not take all these simultaneously”. Of course, I will not. I will just add to my collection of drugs. Some of the ones I thought I did not have, I found in the kitchen in a random drawer. I am sure that was one of my clean up days-oops. I guess I need to organize the pills better, but I would like to think that I won’t need them. So, after a careful replay of timing and discussions with all those present, we are convinced that with my “flush”, I received a giant dose (or too giant for me) of the drug. This was also concluded because of a slight similarity, but less of a reaction when I got the speed drip from the “bad” nurse which was nausea during and very bad nausea the day after. Again, lesson learned and will not be repeated. By the way, I changed the toilet paper in the bathroom in the closet and reported of little soap left. Almost thinking I should get a case of soap dispensers soon and really look for the number to call to complain AGAIN.

Next time, I am going to wait for a better chair, look at my drugs, write down the times. I saw the bill from the closet in January and they charged double the medication when I had written down that I received 1/2 the amount. So the mystery is did I have 1/2 the amount or double? The anti nausea drugs started to work and I feel better, but surely more wiped out than I had intended. My next visit to the closet, I will be wearing my combat outfit!

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“While combing my hair now and wondering what dress to wear now, I say a little prayer for you…” Aretha Franklin

February 24, 2011

Seriously, I am combing my wig now and thinking what should I wear tomorrow. For a second, I was thinking of coming in my pajamas like the rest of the closet gang, but I think it would really freak the nurses out! Then, I thought why aren’t there fashion cancer closet consultants? These people should come and dress you before you go to the closet in the most fashionable ensemble with all accessories including shoes! Just think of the transformation! A make up consultant wouldn’t be so bad either. Who wouldn’t love some perfectly symmetrical stenciled eyebrows with the illusion of eyelashes?  This could be an idea for a business called, “say a little prayer for you”. You would think this already exists as it can really change your experience in the closet. At least, this has been my experience. Yes, most of these drugs put 99% of the people to sleep, so why shouldn’t you wear your pajamas? Hey, if you are fashionable while sleeping, then new patients who enter during the changing of the shifts will see you sleeping in a chic outfit. Closet cancer chic?

Until then, I am pre-drugged up and ready to go, but at this point it is looking like I will just be wearing my boots and nothing else. I am not a giant fan of relaxing music, but a big fan of music in general. Just ask Jim! When he plays some of his music, I usually make a strange face and he says, “okay, I’ll change it.”  You would think that I have expanded my musical genre selection since marrying Jim and screaming, “Jean Michel Jarre, Je t’adore” in Paris. Jim says he is decade impaired when it comes to music, but what would I call myself? As Jim loves to relax sitting in front of the giant speakers listening to “his” music, I finally understand as I sit on the bed and listen to the piano music of Ludovico Einaudi, “Divenire”. Is it that he is Italian? Is it the piano? At first, I wasn’t a believer that music can take you to another place, but now I believe or could it be the drugs? “Then I saw his face, now I’m a believer, not a trace of doubt in my mind.I’m in love, I’m a believer!”  I should go to sleep and dream of an outfit and hopefully, not dream of Neil Diamond!

The parking lot “blues”….

February 22, 2011

I feel like that saying, “it is a bird, no it’s a plane, no it’s cancer crying”. It can come on for no reason and suddenly even in parking lots or in front of school. The worst part is that the crying burns my nose. I guess another side effect of a drug which I forgot, no nasal hairs. Who knew the tuft of hair out of the nose could come in handy? Although, I haven’t seen many old men sobbing as they are usually victims to the tuft of hair out of the nose. You would think that this entire pain in the nose would prevent me from crying, but nope, the body compensates and the tears just flow out of the eyes. I could purchase some doll hair and stick it up my nose. Oh, that would be pretty?!  So, some of you have been encountered by me with the faucet flowing and you did not even run or give me “the look”. This look is the “poor you” look. Luckily, I haven’t encountered that for at least one week. You give me the look of support, love, concern, and cheer me on. What would I do without my cheerleaders? By the way, thanks to all my cheerleaders who have given me some pretty clever half way gifts. I am not so sure that I could come up with these ideas!

Speaking of ideas, how do I put back the eyelashes that are now falling off? Yes, this could be the cumulative effect of the drugs, but I was getting used to having my eyelashes back. Now, I am on “brow watch 2011”. Are the brow hairs falling off too? Do I need to start the stencil the eyebrow again phase? Just when I thought it was safe, then back to the drawing board of camouflage eyelash and eyebrow routine.  I made it with no hairs, so I know I can make it with a few less. I just hope the weird asymmetrical situation does not occur again. I am not an artist and do not want to have the inquisitive look while I help Alex’s class with math. It just would create more confusion as if they need that. It may come in handy in the closet as if I am questioning every move the nurse makes. It could guarantee that I have the drip done right the first time? Okay, now convinced a few less hairs even asymmetrical would not be that horrible.

Countdown to closet…2 more days and I am not in the mood as it is cold outside (okay, relatively speaking 60s), so will the closet have the heat on which would make it stink even more than it does? Plus, I have no outfit prepared. I still have time, but usually I come up with a “statement” outfit or as Jim says, “ready for combat, ready for battle?”.  Plus, the seating is critical for many reasons!

On a side note, I have changed my diet back to almost the pre-Alex time with no chicken or beef, some eggs, little dairy, and some fish. So, if any of you have recipes that you think Alex would like, send them my way. This old/new way is helping my stomach issues, so I am sticking with it. Of course, there are some winners and some losers. Yes, Alex has told me that some of the food looks like animal food, but I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

“When cancer patients voice a problem or concern, you are mistaken if you think that we always want you to try to cheer us up…Sometimes we just need to voice our frustration at the viciousness of the disease.” Vickie Girard

February 18, 2011

Lately, for those who are not “over” the cancer as much as I am over “it”, you are asking what you can do or how you can help me. I really appreciate your expressing this to me. The thought means more than an action. All I can say is if I am asking for help that I am most likely beyond the point of asking for help, so I really am not gently asking, but silently screaming for help. This is the way I roll which is neither good nor bad. I do wish I could click my heals together for the days of my old self, but I have had to accept the new me with all that it comes with including the always perfect hair day.  I wish I had an easy answer. I can tell you that I appreciate all your support, your calls, your notes, your emails, your words of encouragement, your jokes, your stories, and just your every day tales. If you think I should ask Joanie what she thinks or talk to her about it, do it! Don’t be afraid to tell me about what is bugging you because most often it is bugging me too! Don’t get me started about Alex’s substitute from another planet who could not read (seriously) or multiply (honest). She was sent home by the Principal, but not before some very entertaining looks and comments from the students. It was Alex’s “worse day of his life”. Now, that makes me happy!  Children are resilient.

I have accepted the new me (almost), but I miss all of you. My all consuming cancer care has given me less of the “me time” that I truly enjoy and want.  My “me time” is really “you time” as I enjoy being with all of you and talking with you. Vickie Girard says, “Those of you who love us-please , never be afraid of our tears that you won’t let us cry with you. For if you never see us cry, believe me it doesn’t mean we aren’t crying. It only means we’re doing it alone.”  I can honestly say that I haven’t been doing a lot of crying. What means the most is that I know I am not alone, but I can tell you without a doubt that cancer SUCKS! It does! No doubt about it. Wishing myself a good night sleep and possibly sleeping in?

 

Almost “half way there-livin’ on a prayer” Bon Jovi

February 15, 2011

“We’ve got to hold on ready or not. You live for the fight when it’s all that you’ve got.”  Are you singing along? Maybe not, if you don’t know the song. Yes, next week (believe it or not) will be my half way through this treatment. I am not really counting, but all my doctors are!  I was greeted with a smile and a “happy valentine’s day” by my doctor today. Yes, I did get the hug while having the paper “drape” over my lap. I did a half way stand and sit position, so as to not flash the audience with my bare butt for too long. Not sure if it worked, but everyone was eager to get “down to business”. I did get my answer to the burning question, “what are you looking for on this ultrasound, when most of the “stuff” is missing?”. Who knew that little fluid cancer cells could show up before anything else does? Plus, they look at thickening of tissue and linings of my abdomen. Mine showed no action and no cells or thickening of any kind and very nice picture for all to see. Fun stuff. I got the full 411, plus a lovely stern warning to check all my lymph nodes everywhere, every month. Then, I was told that I need to get a colonoscopy. I wasn’t quite sure when this was all supposed to fit into my schedule. Was it before treatment, after treatment, before the PET scan, MRI of the breasts, or after or in between. I seem to get a full good week and do I want to drink the junk and do the colonoscopy during that week. Hmmm, why not? Would there be an audience? Guess I wouldn’t have to worry about my bare naked butt being an issue for that audience. Instead of a party planner, I definitely need a test planner. I will ask at my next treatment as this doctor has real issues to deal with….like the woman before me who was in chemo and it wasn’t working. I sat outside while the nurses wanted me to wait again to talk to the doctor one more time. I couldn’t help, but to hear his voice. It wasn’t the voice I knew and had come to understand. It was full of facts without emotion except I saw the look in his eyes. That was a similar look that I had seen 3 months ago when he was hugging me more than once. I waited my turn and did not really want to talk to him again. So, I gave him my box of “Hugs and Kisses” with a card. He smiled and I know I caught him by surprise. I told him he is wonderful and he told me, “no, you are wonderful.”  Then, he reminded me to try to eat well, take my list of supplements and pills, make sure I check my lymph nodes, and exercise when I am able. I told him that I cannot do what I used to do and he reminded me that I have a new body and that I am still getting treatment which means that you do what you can do on that day. I know all that, and it is nice that he takes the time to remind me too! When I went to make my appointment for my next 3 month visit with him, the person helping me only found one in 3 months and 1 week. I told her it was alright and she said, “you want me to get fired”. “The doctor said 3 months, so for you it has to be 3 months or 2 months and 3 weeks.”  Jim and I talked about our search for the perfect doctor discussing the ones who were not so perfect for me. We are so lucky to have him on our team and even luckier that he cares so much not only about me, but all his patients.  Since the doctor had an emergency surgery, we were out of there faster than normal and Jim and I had a very yummy lunch together for a Valentine Date. Happy Valentine’s Day! I am looking forward to the sunshine before the rain comes this week or will it?!

“Don’t measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability.” John Wooden

February 12, 2011

While focusing for a brief minute on the fact that I lost a week and did not exercise very much except for to walk up and down the stairs, I opened by bottle of green tea to see this quote.  Based on this quote and my ability today, I am better than good. Again I remind myself about what I can do today and not what I used to do. I focus on the today especially since today is the “wash” the wig day. I have to have clean wig hair and I don’t want to risk cleaning it myself as I foresee about a good 5 months more with my friend the wig. I should come up with a name for it. Possibly a Brazilian name since many people who don’t know me ask if I had the Brazilian blow out  since they knew me with curly hair in my before cancer life. Friends, the forecast for my hair seems more straight than curly and definitely a different texture almost like baby hair or as Jim says, “super soft” as he pats my head. It has a new feel and we will stay tuned to what develops.  Back to today, I spent some time in the outdoors at Alex’s school with students at recess in a great new program called Lunch buddies (outdoors with the students is much “safer” than the indoor germ-o-rama). Of course, Alex pretended he did not know me and continued to play handball with his friends. For those couple of hours, I completely forgot about all my ailments and focused on those kids. Listening to their stories and seeing them play, I felt so thankful to be in the sunshine (sorry all you winter people), but it was warm. Of course, the teachers had to tell me to get in the shade when they walked by and told me that I should be wearing a hat. I love that they care about me as if I am one of their students. The sun felt so great and I did not want to get into the issue of “this hair is not the hat hair and the hat hair squeezes my brain”.  What was even better was seeing the importance of this new Lunch buddy program and seeing many students from Kindergarten to 5th grade  hang out in Savannah’s garden. I was overcome with emotion, but it was all good. My favorite was watching ten 5th graders play Hullabaloo, the musical game where the winner had to do a funky dance. They all insisted upon showing me their “funky” dance. The image kept me smiling the rest of the day.

I had to come home to the 4 automated calls to remind me of my appointment on Monday at UCLA as if I could forget. Yes, it will be a love fest or should I say, “test fest”. This is the every 3 months, do a little dance, make a little love, give a little blood, get down tonight (literally). I am bringing my doctor a heart shape box of Hershey’s hugs and kisses because he deserves it. Of course, he will probably have me hug him with no clothes on except that paper “napkin” blanket thing because I guess it just doesn’t matter to him? Next time, I am in the closet I am going ask his other patients if he does the same thing to them. Maybe, I will get even more special treatment since it is Valentine’s Day? You would think the people who work at UCLA would be with it, but these are the same people after my surgery bloated with fluid while taking blood for a cancer blood test asked me how far along I was. Anything is possible. I am still waiting for them to call out “hello” while doing my gynecological exam only to hear an echo back, “hello, hello, helloooooo” since everything was taken during my surgery. I also really enjoy a good audience while doing the ultrasound in a dark room. They usually read my history and do a big harmonious sigh of “uh, oh, uh, and sorry”. I don’t know if they are apologizing for the harmony or just don’t know what to say. It is good to know that doctors in training are still in training and don’t know what to say at the most awkward of times. They have to be better than my favorite comments from people who say, “oh I had a friend, aunt, cousin who died” which is so good to know.

As I turn my corner to my “I feel good, I know that I should” phase, I will get outside this weekend. I am hoping to go to the beach. As much as Alex wants to go biking, I will ignore the bikes in the garage as that will just bring about a whole new hair crisis especially with the hair without a hat being cleaned and the hat hair could possibly blow off while biking. I just cannot take the risk. Instead, I will play it safe and get ready for the love fest both for Alex, Jim, and UCLA. Until then, hoping sunshine gets to other states besides California.

Sleeping Beauty and her Prince

February 8, 2011

I cannot wake up. Since my treatment day, I have been in this slow motion 90 year old body routine. I am too tired to eat and too tired to wake up. It is a strange new situation. My poor Prince looks at me with those very worried and sad blue eyes and I can only say that this will pass. He does remind me that I am sleeping 11 or 12 hours a day and look like I have not really slept more than 2 hours. I have a theory that involves Alex and his bad cold. Even though I do not have a cold, my body may be fighting it and all I can do is sleep it off or sleep it away. So, yes, I have been beside myself with tiredness and become more frustrated with my homeschooling of Alex as he is home sick. Now normally, I would send him to school, but I cannot have him pick up something else.  Even though Alex is talking to me like he is pinching his nose the whole time, he still manages to express his nasal congested questions. We went from the “why Mommy” to the “do you think if this is the simplest fraction and I multiplied it by this number, then blah, blah, blah” or “what do you think of this hypothesis for another science experiment?” or “if I saved this amount of money and gave my third to charity, then a quarter of the money is going to be saved, but I want to put some in the bank….”  Of course, all I can say is “huh, are you talking to me?” Dare I even ask a question about Star Wars or piano theory because I have absolutely no idea. I have no energy and when he talks it sounds like that teacher in the Snoopy/Peanut cartoons, “wah, wah, wah….” It used to be that we would do some creative things to expand on what he has learned and now, he is just barely learning what he needs to learn according to either a state standard or a state test. Gone are the days when he would come home excited to tell me his latest factoid or that he was knighted as the “word wizard” or that he wanted to read a poem by Langston Hughes because his teacher told a “cool story” about him. I will go to sleep soon in hopes that when my Prince awakes me that there will a new love of learning, just for learning and not for a test AND that I can stay awake all day without a nap. I do know that no matter what I will live happily ever after…..

Clean Closet and Cancer Hurts!

February 4, 2011

First, forgive me since I am slightly drugged and feeling like I am 90. I am walking downstairs, then think why did I come down here or standing at the sink brushing my teeth wondering where my toothbrush is? So, even though I may sound a little foggy, this time was way better than last time. Big kudos to the cleaning crew at the closet! Toilet paper, soap, and so clean everywhere, plus they spaced the patients out. I realized that some were in examining rooms, so no need for me selling my chair to the highest bidder. Of course, there are still broken chairs and broken IV machines, but every little improvement is nice to see. I also learned something while I was watching a new patient. She demanded the one room with the bed. That room seems like it has no oxygen, but could have come in handy for earlier treatments. Who would think to be so demanding? I thought asking for toilet paper was a bit much. After my email to my doctor saying I did not want the same nurse as last time who pumped my drugs so fast that I could not see or go to the toilet by myself, I got one of the nurses who had suggested the slow drip in the first place. Thank goodness! She is not the most personable, but who cares about personality when I need someone with skills and she has that down! Of course, my blood tests and urine tests tell the same story, platelets messed up, white count too low (watch out for germs-oh yes, that will be easy at this time of year, I will stay locked up in my room), urine has signs of protein which is not that great, but it is still a “GO” for treatment. I think if you have a pulse they want you to continue. Unfortunately, before my entrance to the closet, I had to order some food and quickly eat it when someone was tapping me on the shoulder. Who do I know here? (except for my cousin Margie who does not tap) This was a familiar closet mate who I apparently made friends with during my very very drugged day when I was talking to anyone and texting everyone. She is the type I call, the cancer in your face type. “Bald and proud, look at me I have cancer, look at me I am such a lovely shade of grey, and non stop talking about herself without taking a breath, and let’s talk about anything disgusting, so you should not be able to eat anything” type……well, she decided to show me her new port which was infected  just at the time that I was taking a bite of egg. Needless to say, I had to shovel the rest of my breakfast without tasting, breathing, or looking. Of course, only chair open in the closet was next to hers, but I was happy to have a good nurse and loved seeing the cleanliness of the place. I just tried to ignore her, but it wasn’t easy. There is still not an adequate amount of oxygen. I think Jim is allergic to the place as he has a sneeze attack every time he is in there. I just look like a crazy person smelling my scented candle every so often. Finally, my neighbor got a call on her phone which is highly illegal, but she breaks the rules often in the closet because she is “grey”, has “cancer” and a surgeon messed up on her surgery.

My doctor stopped by to chat (I did notice that he did not chat with any of his other patients) and we talked about my aches and pains. With one of the drugs, a side effect is that your intestines blow up (not really, but there are issues), so I had been having my aches and pains ready for Jim to drive me to the hospital for fear of intestine blow up. Of course, this turned out to be nothing that gasx couldn’t cure. Oops! My doctor informed me that cancer does not usually hurt and explained symptoms of intestinal blow up or blow out? I was fine with his explanation, but realized that cancer does hurt. While I watched another newbie enter the closet with her husband looking like he was going to vomit, he smiled at me and asked me if I was finishing my treatment because I looked great. I did not have the heart to tell him that I am only half way done. I told him that I was feeling really good and I know it is difficult, but it gets easier. Of course, the newbie could not be more than 35. The other nurses came to say hello to me and thanked me for the fruit basket (I brought fruit this time because they always complain about all the junk food they get). They also told me about the increase in the number of new patients and how busy and crowded it is and how I should know that new patients require a lot more attention. I do know, but I did not like seeing the newbies. I really did not like seeing one woman with her husband and friend who were coming here for another opinion and treatment. I listened to the doctor who told me “you are going to lose your hair you know”. He is just like that, but really cannot be any other way. Who could deal with this day after day? Seeing all these very young women having all this cancer. I listened as he made a call to this newbie’s old doctor. He said, “it is not that she doesn’t like you. She is looking for alternative treatment.” Then, he said to the nurse while shaking her head about the giant tumor this patient had with 18 lymph nodes involvement. It did not sound good. So, I would say that cancer keeps hurting. I don’t know if it is my treatment or just the visit to the closet which impacts me so much. It is really in your face. I still smile and laugh especially when Margie does some great SNL impressions, but there so many women here and they are not old. It really bothers me, but I usually can put it into perspective until my next appointment when it is in my face again.

Another nurse came to tell me that they will be moving in 2 months. I told her great news and told her that is my birthday month, so it would be a great gift to be in a nice new closet. She told me that there will be little walls in between each patient. I am not going to judge, but could only think of the boy in the bubble. Will the walls be glass with holes for breathing? Could there be such a disconnect with the clinic and the designers of the room? Then again, the doctors are busy trying to cure, heal, and help the patients and barely have time to do much more.

Some of you have been wondering about my ole’ gynecologist letter. I did tell her that she should listen more, give vaginal ultrasounds and ca125 blood tests for high risk patients, and refer people with dense breast tissue or history of breast cancer to the Pacific Breast center (which she already does refer patients to, but chose not to refer me). I asked her to keep up with gynecological cancers and really take the time to listen, not just hear her patients. So, guess what? I came home to a message from her. Jim said it was a weird message. She did a lot of “um, heh, um”, but said she received my letter and thanked me for taking the time to write it and wishes me the best. That was it. She really cannot say more, then she would be admitting that she could have made a mistake. I really did not expect much more. In fact, I expected much less. I think she will try to listen more and it could possibly have helped one patient.

So, I will be off to bed until school is out. Then, I will get some strength to be super mom to Alex. Well, almost super mom.