Pity party over and off to the closet tomorrow….

Some of you have been witness to my pity party and I do apologize. It just hit me and I could not stop the tears. I know this required some of you to put on your sunglasses at pick up and/or listen to me on the phone sob and not get words out that made any sense. Yes, January is a time to reflect back on the prior year, but my reflecting was a bit too much. I never like to dwell, but somehow the year just blinked away. Then, I was attempting to think of 2011 and wham, what are the months ahead filled with? More closet visits.  I could not help it. I was and am over it, but I am reminded of the alternative or think about children who have cancer and I am done with my pity party. The thing is that we all have “stuff”. These first weeks of January have been filled with conversations with friends, acquaintances, or even grocery clerks, pharmacists, bank tellers or other random people all who face a variety of medical issues themselves. So much “stuff” and it surprises me that most people I encounter just take it all so lightly or laugh it off. I am usually the one laughing too. Today, I was told that I am the best “faker” that people have ever met. I guess it is a facade at times, but I think there is no other way to deal with it. Who wants to be around someone crying all the time? Who wants to be around the “Debby downer”? I have seen those faces in the closet and always try even harder to make them smile with my stories about my hair issues or medications or telling my doctor to change his glasses to a more fashionable pair or just show and tell with my ipad like I work at the Apple store.  I know if I am over hearing about my cancer, talking about the cancer, talking about the meds, the blood issues, my own private  pharmacy, the treatments, and the treatments, then you must be over it too. Again, I remind myself to just focus on today and the moment.

BUT, I cannot help myself to wish for the upgraded closet tomorrow. There is no place like the sunny upgraded closet. It would just make things a little bit easier. On the other hand, what will be, will be and if I am in the ole’ stinky closet, then there is a reason and I will unplug myself and do some magic. I am sure the ole’ closet would love to see me do a river dance in my new boots? Okay, maybe just some demolition IV machine derby? It is so crowded in there, it would make for some entertainment. I would promise to make sure to avoid all those on heavy doses of Ativan.

So, with my recent discovery on Facebook news that my babysitter was vomitosis today, I had to seek help from my friends who were telepathic and phoned just at the moment that I thought to myself (me with vomit phobia and cancer treatment should seek alternative babysitting asap) that I better plan before the drugs take effect or I will be sending texts to Alex’s Principal asking him to babysit. I also decided that food is not a priority since my stomach is so bad now. This too will pass. Off I go to sleep my medicated sleep and have no memory of a dream, but that doesn’t mean I am not dreaming because I do, and I am dreaming of a month without the closet. One more down……….



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