Doctors who care….

On Monday, I had an appointment with one of my “main” doctors who looked very tired and was very intense. I should have known something was up after some tests and an ultrasound which I had an audience of 4 doctors who all said they were very sorry about my 3 primary cancers.  I guess that comment is as good as it gets. I never know what to say except, “thanks”.  I think I have entered a different phase of cancer since my PET scan was clear. My doctor’s approach was the “did you hear me” and “wake up to reality”. Little does he know, I am always thinking and I do listen to everything-what people say, what friends & family say, what doctors say, how my body reacts and what the medicine shows me. I could tell from what he said is that statistically the odds are that it comes back. I did tell him that I am not a statistic, but he had to remind me of his experience. I did hear him and he did spend a lot of time telling me what to look for and gave me his cell phone again to remind him to call him with any question or concern. I know he is concerned and it is his job,and  he did go above and beyond especially in the reality department . I was happy to know how much he cared, but not enjoying what he had to say. He also wanted to remind me that I should continue with my treatment no matter what and to “make it happen” whether or not I have an allergic reaction. I do hear him, but it does not make it easy. It is not as if I am avoiding the reality, but more living in the now and what is happening today or this moment. I cannot control what will happen and I know that I will listen to my body and am aware of anything suspicious. The only thing that I thought about was where to go to have some fun after this appointment. Of course, Disneyland was the place to go especially if you have cancer. I was reminded why we never visit Disneyland during the holiday time because it is crazy! Using the cancer card at Disneyland, I enjoyed one of  the benefits of having cancer. (not that there are a whole lot of benefits except being hairless in summer… having little hair in the winter is not as fun)  I also had great pleasure in completing another “review” of the chemo closet. I am hoping the strong language I used could have a bit more impact on expediting the road to the chemo closet makeover. Yes, it is that time again and next week I go back to the closet for some reality. YECH! Until then, I have Hanukkah shopping to finish and a book fair to get going. I will be busy, but not ignore the reality of the situation. I will continue to make the most of my days even if sleeping more is part of the program. Happy weekend and only a few weeks until the no packing lunches, sleeping in happens again……

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