Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies

As I look out my window at the pink orange cotton candy sunset, I am concerned about the earth. Hawaii sunsets are orange and normal looking. This makes me feel that I should not step outside for fear that the air would actually be smelling like cotton candy. You know how I feel about smells. I always liked the smell of cookies baking, but now it makes my stomach turn. Well, I bet you are thinking that I must be sweatin’ due to the latest heat wave in So Cal. No, this is now the combination of the burning sensation caused by the toxic chemo and my hot flashes which seem to be happening like an all day event. Forget the wig situation, that hair is not the issue. It is all clothing that bothers me. I feel like I am on fire, so I might as well be doing Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies. Okay, I admit, I cannot watch Richard Simmons, so I chose wii Fit boxing and thought it would help get all my frustration out punching the air with the wii remote. I think it might have helped for 10 minutes. I was dripping sweat, but happy to be punching the air and hearing my little character say, “oh yeah, keep it going.”  I definitely have a whole new found understanding and respect for all those women experiencing hot flashes especially out in public. I don’t know why the Ralphs manager found it strange that my whole body was almost inside the freezer door and I was standing there for 10 minutes without grabbing any items on the shelves. He thought I needed help, but all I needed was an ice block to encase my body to stop the sweating and burning. Is that too much to ask as a Rewards card carrying customer? How about if I stop taking the points for bringing my reusable bags just to sit inside the freezer for 10 minutes each shopping trip?

I have my strange voice now which came suddenly with my lack of taste buds, but I am not complaining since I am at about 80% now. I just have high expectations and expected to be at 110%. I do forget that I should take it easy and forget that just a week ago I had chemo. I cannot help myself, but I have paid for my mistakes this time. Each round, I learn a little bit more and try even harder to get to 100%. I become a new me each time and it is difficult to explain. I face each challenge stronger than before and try my best to make the most of every moment. It frustrates me when I make my mistakes and am in bed by 7pm or needing to take a nap, but I do give in and know it is fine. I may whine a bit or whimper in bed which I am sure Jim finds a bit annoying, but I cannot help myself. I only have a pity party for about 2 seconds and I am done. Each day, I am reminded by family and friends with special cards, emails, notes, and calls with such words of encouragement. Today, I received the “real report” with the official numbers from my last blood test and the nurse had written, “fabulous results”. I really wanted a sticker or keep up the good work, but I guess that doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense, none of it. Why ask why, right? Ask why not?

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One Response to “Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies”

  1. Audrey Says:

    I love you Joanie and hope that the awful burning and hot flashes have disappeared. You amaze me and I know those fabulous results will keep on coming!

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