“The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.” Gloria Steinem

I keep saying to myself and others that I don’t feel like I have cancer. (or should I say cancers since I have 3!?) I am reminded of the cancer when I go to UCLA or when I get my 10th VIP insurance call to check my status of whether or not I am ready to jump out the window.  I am most often reminded when I get “the look” from friends or acquaintances. This is the look of pity, sadness, or almost tears. Then, there are the emotional vampires who somehow make it all about themselves and drain my energy until I have nothing left. Just like the movies, I will make every effort to avoid the vampires!  It all seems so strange. I keep saying it is as if I am having some out of body experience.  The chemo is not pleasant at all and I am happy to know from my doctors that the future of chemo drugs will not have these terrible side effects. When I had written down the day by day account of what happened over my 5 days after treatment, it put things into perspective. One really terrible day out of 5. The others were not so great, but it was only one day. I can easily do one day.

It is not that I think about the future. I think about it all the time, but more about my family trip to Italy or other trips that I want to take like Australia or Washington D.C., Maine, and more visits with my parents, sister, nieces, nephew, cousins, aunts, uncles, and faraway friends etc….We are all so spread out that we have been caught up in our own lives. When I grew up, I had all my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents close to us. It will take more of an effort, but I want to make it happen. I know I will make it happen because it is important.

I still must take things day by day. I have always been the person to make the most of every day. I do what I can for myself and others and give back as much as I can. I still have the same intentions except things don’t always go as planned like almost falling asleep in Alex’s piano lesson yesterday or walking him to a friend’s house only to realize that I was too tired to walk back! I think the day by day approach works best and to live in the now. I cannot do 30 things in a day, but I will do my best to do 3 or even 4.  As Jim says, there is this off switch and then when it is turned on, I am going 60 miles an hour and not looking back until I collapse. I promised him I will tweak the on switch a bit.

So, of  course I get angry at times, but I laugh more often. I laugh about so much that is not even funny. I have always had a strange sense of humor especially when it comes to laughing at myself. I know many of you cannot believe that I have cancer too, but just know that I feel the same way. I also know that I can do this. It is not what I signed up for, but I can do this and will be a different and better person because of all this. Just think of the ideas that I will come up with to help others and improve the situation for others. I have already started a list. Yes, it did include a treatment room that wasn’t a closet and did have windows AND internet connection!

So, make the most of your day today! You know what is important, so forget about all the rest!


One Response to ““The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.” Gloria Steinem”

  1. Alii Says:

    That quote is hysterical! Stay away from Vampires…unless they are cute ones like Edward Cullen 🙂

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